“Stop asking why they keep doing it and start asking why you keep allowing it”.
Boundaries are there to protect. They help others understand our values and the need to remain free to choose. Family, partners, friends and colleagues can be particularly challenging when it comes to boundaries. Two people coming together without proper boundaries will be a disaster.
Wherever we go in life, there will be those who have not brought the discipline of boundaries into their lives and remain utterly unaware of the impact they may be having on others – that’s why we have to be the voice of awareness. It may be uncomfortable, we may feel inclined to regress on our boundaries but the minute we bend the rules we have opened ourselves up to repeat scenarios.
It is important to know what are our values, what we stand for so that we can set clear boundaries with people from day one. Even as these boundaries are set, people will still try to push them. The maintenance of boundaries is an ongoing job.
Take for instance two people getting together, boundaries will be tested. If serious human boundaries are breached once, there is a chance that they will be breached again. Either or both partners can then recline into these complacent unhealthy positions. It never occurred to me on occasions just what happens when collective egos / entities breach each other’s boundaries, the relationship is doomed to fail. Some boundaries are walls which have been put up to protect us from feeling anything at all. These boundaries are unrealistic and may actually be breaching the ‘freedom’ boundaries of the other person.
As friends and families, we can talk till we are blue in the face asking people to reinstate / repair / implement boundaries but often, if people don’t know it is a violation, they will just accept this, time and again. If we do not know what our boundaries are, how can we implement them?
We can learn to respect each other’s boundaries. Respect is a really important feeling, if we don’t have respect for ourselves, others will not. If we do not have Love for ourselves, others will not.
There is absolutely no point in complaining about how people are treating us if we do not deal with the issue of allowing the breach to happen in the first place.